😎 When I'm Talking You're Not Talking
Turns out I have ADHD. Diagnosed by our new Department of Health, TikTok! I knew it! I’m definitely one of those people who will be in the middle of a chore and from the corner of my eye I’ll see something and completely stop what I’m doing to start up another task. Like the other day, I’m unloading the dishwasher, and as I’m putting the glasses away, I notice that there's a lot of extra jars and stuff I don’t use in the cabinet, so I’ll stop unloading the dishwasher, to unload the cabinet of things I never use. Now I need to find a box to put these unwanted jars in. I have the dishwasher open, the cabinets open, and I just opened the closet door looking for a box. While looking for a box, I notice an old blanket that I always loved, but forgot about, I stop looking for the box and pick up the blanket and bring it down to the laundry room to wash it. While walking up to the washing machine, I see there are empty laundry detergent containers on the table that need to be recycled. I leave the blanket on the table, grab the empty containers, bring them up stairs and outside and throw them in the recycle bin on the curb. Suddenly I’m outside in my pajamas, wearing clogs, standing in the rain and wondering… how did I get here? Now what? Get into bed of course! I’m overwhelmed, so I’m just gonna get all cozy in my bed and do absolutely nothing but scroll TikTok.
Now scrolling and between diagnoses, gossip, and crazy politics, there's a lot to discuss, let's get into it…
Useless Thoughts
Actress CATE BLANCHETT suggested that the Oscars go back to the days when it wasn't televised. With now the lip readers, etc. “It would be nice if the awards happened behind closed doors and just have a great party where people can just let go.” To quote Warren Beatty speaking about Madonna from the incredible documentary, Truth or Dare, “She doesn't want to live off camera, much less talk. There’s nothing to say off-camera. Why would you say something if it's off camera? What point is there existing?” Exactly! They want to be seen! Look, if celebs don't want to be photographed or talked about, it's really simple, just don't go where the cameras are. Trust me, the paparazzi are not hiding in Cate Blanchett’s bushes trying to catch her taking out her recyclables, so you might want to go to an award show if you want to be seen!!🤪
TRUMP looks at other countries like they’re pussies. He’s just gonna grab ‘em. While sitting with LAURA INGRAHAM, wait, sorry, excuse me, I need to throw up, give me a second, ugh this happens every time I say Laura Ingraham’s name, I projectile vomit, hang on 🤮, okay! Anyway, so Laura Ingraham, oops sorry, hang on, 🤮. How bout I just say LI when referencing Laura Ingraham, ugh, here it comes, one sec, 🤮 OKAY! So, LI was interviewing Trump about Canada and he wouldn't stop saying that he wants it. Shockingly, LI even tried to get him to stop saying it and bring him back to reality, but he kept pushing, and it was then that I realized, countries are just BIG pussies to him, and you grab them! Can you imagine if Obama said grab ‘em by the pussy? Sit in that thought for a moment. 🤔
Speaking of pussies, and I’m not a fan of the word, or saying or writing it, but I need to for this joke, so bear with me...Women are having labia puff surgeries. A cosmetic procedure that involves injecting fillers or fat in the labia majorca to restore volume and a more youthful appearance.🤯 Never gonna happen! You know what? Just cheat. Cheat on me with a young labia! I’m good.
Speaking of puffy labias, HILARIA BALDWIN the insufferable mother of Alec’s eight future influencers, and all the shit Alec’s caused, I’d say he’s gotten his karma. He married his Karma, his Karmalita! Have you seen the clip of her cutting him off on the red carpet? (watch here) She claimed that’s just them and their funny banter? Except there was no funny part. She’s about as funny as a stick you’d find in your backyard. Actually, a stick (a palo) has a better personality. So, if you’re worried he’s not getting his due, just listen to her for five minutes, and you’ll see the pain and suffering, that isn't just showing up on his face, but his entire life! 🤡 Which reminds me of a funny quote:
Sweetie I’m not laughing at your bad luck, I’m merely cheering on Karma for doing such a great job of biting you in the ass…that’s totally different.
Glamour magazine editor STEPHANIE MCNEAL is getting called out for her hit piece on Moms! Blaming the death of #metoo on women defending Justin Baldoni. The irony that she wrote an entire article attacking women and left out the part that these Moms she speaks of have spent the past year pouring over documents, texts, lawsuits, doing the work, looking at the proof and receipts, proving with evidence their conclusions, while excluding any research, proof or receipts, or any research on her own findings?! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! I get why she can't write a negative article about Blake. I worked at Glamour Mag for a billion years, and you’re not allowed to write negatively about celebrities, ever. Meaning, every article is just a bunch of bullshit. But what I don't get is why you’d come after non celeb women and mock them? For what purpose? If you’re not allowed to play in the game, don't attack the players who are doing the work! And I’ll say it one last time, you can't say, believe all women, and then exclude Marjorie Taylor Green, or Laura Ingraham 🤮 and their puffy labiums. Marjorie, Laura, Hilaria & Blake are all pathological psychos! Here’s an idea, stop saying blanket statements like, believe all women, and instead, just believe people with proof and receipts! Enough already! ✌️
Speaking of a woman I believe, the more I read about and watch AMANDA SEYFRIED, the more I fall in love with her! She just did a Vogue Mag video speaking all about her skin routine. But this wasn't another blah blah boring I use this, and this and this, blah blah Zzzz!! But instead she spoke about her eczema! I swear to God Amanda and I are the same person! We both have eczema, we both, um, hmm, we both, uhh, umm, can see that she’s a beautiful, young, blonde, rich, musically talented, genius, famous actress. Seriously twins! 👯
And Finally…
Season finale of Severance! AHHHHHHHH! So excited! I can't believe we’re getting the answers to all our questions. But I’m no dummy and know for every question we get answered there will be fifty more questions thrown at us! That’s how these shows work! That’s what makes them so fun! That’s why a cliffhanger is called a cliffhanger, cause you’re literally hanging off a cliff and that’s exciting and scary and like everything in life, we’re just going to want more more more! And with social media like YouTube and TikTok who keep you engaged in Severance with their endless theories, which just adds to the suspense and confusion. It’s like hanging from a cliff and being tickled. Tickle tickle tickle Ha ha ahhh stop, wait keep going, no stop! No wait, give me more, give me give me give me! Hopefully they're filming season three as I’m writing this. Give me give me give me!!!
Until next time folks!
Sorry you can’t unread this!
I Genuinely Want to Know
I feel diagnosed. 🤦♀️😂 Thanks again for the great read & the laughs!
I do the same thing, except I go to the basement and think “wait, what did I come down here for?”